this love

    I am my lover's 

and he claims me as his own.

11 

Come, my love, let us go out to the fields

    and spend the night among the wildflowers.

12 

Let us get up early and go to the vineyards

    to see if the grapevines have budded,

if the blossoms have opened,

    and if the pomegranates have bloomed.

    There I will give you my love.

13 

There the mandrakes give off their fragrance,

    and the finest fruits are at our door,

new delights as well as old,

    which I have saved for you, my lover. (Song of Songs 7:10-13)

Invited to love

if I can spend all day being led to the places with 

fragrance

new buds

blossoms

and be filled with this love

nothing would matter

now I understand

without this love 

from my lover and my love for my lover

I am nothing

with this love

I have everything

I am full

puzzle at odd timing

 

bought a new puzzle

and the day I booked a moving company

I opened the box.

Sounds like odd timing.

While I need to start sorting things out and packing,

and I still have boxes from the move 2 years ago to unpack and repack,

and lots of decisions to make, keep or give away or throw away?

I started a new puzzle.

Somehow when things are uncertain and distracting,

I found a puzzle bring me back to the space I need to be.

It makes me...mindful.

While studying each piece and searching for its place

I encounter my tethered thoughts.

While sorting the pieces out by their alikeness

I sort out my raw emotions.

While matching a small section at a time

I feel a bit closer to my own wholeness.

I distract myself from the stress of uncertainties

and focus on putting something tangible together,

I found it cleansing and decluttering.

Knowing that I have all the pieces I need to complete this task

and eventually, I will get it done,

gives me a sense of comfort.

Also knowing that I can stop anytime and put it back into the box

gives me a sense of freedom.

so I would think...

it's a perfect time for a puzzle.

labyrinth 1

one winter afternoon at Wisdom House

while walking on a labyrinth

I had a Zen dialogue with God, sort of

My soul was in the deepest darkness

my heart was icier than January wind in New England

Going to Wisdom House was probably all I could do

to feel connected, even if remotely, with what once used to be life-giving

then disappeared beyond too far away I couldn't calculate 

I barely had the energy 

just enough to breathe

so I walked s l o w l y

on the ancient path of mystery covered with winter debris

My eyes were fixed to the ground

Somewhere maybe halfway to the center

I heard the first question

"what do you see?"

I was still cold and dry but answered to be polite

"dirt, rocks, branches..."

The voice gently asked again

"what else do you see?"

I wasn't annoyed but didn't think of it any seriously either

In my eyes came a thin layer of ice 

underneath a brown leaf

"a leaf under ice"

Then the voice said

"that's you"

I stopped

it sparked an immediate awakening

the voice didn't need to explain 

I knew in my heart

'frozen for this season of life 

but will be thawed when spring comes'

Clarity came to my mind

I am stuck in-between time

I'm miles away from the path I walked 

and miles away from the path I will be on 

a deep ditch in-between

what used to work no longer is working

the new way is still in the process of unfolding

deep in the woods with just immediate path on sight 

As I continued to walk to the center

though my soul was still in darkness 

and my heart still icy,

my heartbeat was a bit increased

my senses were a bit opened up

I began to embrace

this condition considered as unbearably numb

as a season of my life 

with the hope of spring 

As I reached to the center

I deeply bowed to God

for the wisdom revealed to me

I cried a bit

I knew God is telling me

it's okay to be frozen

you won't be there forever

As I was walking back 

I recognized that my being became a little lighter 

Even with a tiny piece of hope 

I began to dream of spring when

I will be released from the prison of the ice

letting go of what's old and lifeless 

coming back to the cycle of new life

And I am pleased to report that

spring is here

beauty in brokenness

during my walk, I saw so many pieces of broken shells.

at first, they didn't catch my eyes

then when I saw them one after another,

and a scarred rock,

even a half of a sand dollar,

I knew there's an invitation.

I realized when I walk

I only give my attention to something whole and beautiful to keep--

shells with perfect shapes and pretty colors

and I realized that in life we do the same--

we look for something whole and beautiful to keep

and rarely find beauty in brokenness.

Then I remembered the times I felt broken

and how I was held by God,

and in God's presence,

how I, as imperfect as I was, found wholeness,

and how I still felt loved by God.

and I learned that God is inviting me 

to hold the brokenness in the world 

the same way God does.

so when I saw another broken shell,

I held it dearly knowing it's

broken, yet beautiful as it is.

special gift for Mother's Day

while the cake was delicious, 

heartfelt messages brought me tears, 

the most special gift came with a question, 

"can I pray for you?"

a son's prayer for his mom on Mother's Day

deeply touched her heart 

best shot ever

 

simple things like this always move my heart

it makes me believe the goodness in all of us

I not only had my second shot

but also a dose of loving-kindness

a talk with the tide

while the sun was setting

the rising tide teased me playfully

"hey, it's my turn now"

I said,

"oh alright, I'll step aside"

tide told me again

"here, I'll give you moonlight instead"

I said

"how kind, thank you"

the ocean was full of grace 

as always

 

 

해질녘 밀물이 내게 말했다

"거 좀 비키시오, 주인이 돌아왔으니..."

내가 말했다

"어이쿠, 이거 실례가 많았습니다"

밀물이 또 내게 말했다

"대신 달빛을 내어 드리리다"

내가 말했다

"친절도 하시지, 기꺼이 받겠습니다"

이렇게 오늘도 바다는 내게 은혜를 베풀었다

헌데 우리는 왜 사극 톤으로 ㅎㅎㅎ

season for ice tea

well, 

the season for ice tea is back!

I brewed three different kinds of fruit tea--blueberry, raspberry/hibiscus, and apple cinnamon 

a bit stronger than normal so it would be just right with some ice cubes. 

I drink them all day long

I still haven't figured out if I like the taste or color better

there's something about the color of ice tea that makes me so excited

can't wait to go shopping for new flavors

taking it personally

 

nowadays

there is hardly anything I feel resentful

but last week 

the day I had to be in a meeting all-day

while the spring sun was warm and bright

and when the meeting was over

the sun was gone behind the clouds

and when I went to the beach  

it was gray like winter

I was resentful.

While I was walking 

resenting the loss of the beach walk under the sun

and taking comfort from the emerald ocean and salty breeze   

at some point

I started seeing my surroundings becoming brighter.

When I turned around

the sun began to come out of the clouds

painting the skies with different shades of yellow

Nowadays

I rarely take anything personally

but that day

I took the sun personally

I took it as music with rhythm and rhymes

I took it as a love letter

I took it as a big hug

And I said,

thank you

I love you too

accidental blessing

On a warm dry spring day last week

I went to an arborium in Boston for a picnic.

While walking 

I found forsythia bushes 

that made me lose a sense of space instantly

took me to Korea 

playing an old film of the memories 

of my childhood, youth and young adult years. 

They are the first flowers in spring 

in the city I lived.

After a dull brown winter 

brilliant yellow on a dusty spring day always fluttered my heart.

In an arborium

I unexpectedly encountered who I was long ago

 an accidental blessing 

Easter in a Pandemic Irony

This year my Holy Week began a week early as we pre-recorded the Maundy Thursday service. 
And it ended on Wednesday when I finished editing the videos for Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. 
On Maundy Thursday night, 
I needed to switch my gear from Holy Week to Easter in preparation for the recording of the Easter Sunday service the next morning. 
So I watched two comedy shows to create space in me for an Easter vibe.
The next day, while people were journeying with Jesus to the cross, I was at the empty tomb. 

The problem came later in the day. 
I made a spicy pork belly dish, one of Joel's favorites. 
Then I took a picture and sent it to him, saying, 
"Made this and thinking of you!" 
He responded,
"Mom, I'm fasting"
Oops...

But once I arrived at the empty tomb, I couldn't go back to Calvary.  
Even though the Holy Week journey made me encounter my 'first love' of Jesus and his presence,
once I moved on to Easter, I was already with risen Christ in a new place of love. 
While love on Good Friday was about grief for my sins and gratitude for his sacrifice,
love on Easter was about the joy of reunion with him, his calling, and my commitment.
Although I was a bit of a mean mom on Good Friday, 
I believed Joel would understand 

because he knew the love he was experiencing on Good Friday 

will soon lead him to the love on Easter morning. 

In Lent

 

Ash Wednesday Reflection