About this time last year
after leaving the church I served for 8 years
and moving into the new parsonage on Saturday
I left everything to go on a retreat on Sunday.
My mind, heart, and soul was full of stuff
I had no room to spare for the new church and new congregation.
I needed a time to grieve.
I had such mixed emotions and didn't know where to begin.
In that place of chaotic confusion
one of the things I started was putting together a zigsaw puzzle.
This probably is pretty close visualization of my condition.
while I was matching the puzzle
8 years of ministry came to my mind.
As I was looking for the unknown pieces of the puzzle
I recognized all kinds of unresolved issues and
unknown pieces of raw emotions.
I was alone and in complete silence.
I allowed myself to weep in pain.
I was in a tomb for three days.
On Wednesday morning,
I found myself in a different place.
I felt a bit sorted out
not as neat as a bento box
but not as messy as a slimy taco either
I was ready to break the silence
and had enough strength to be out with someone.
So I called Linda who gave me a tour to Wells Reserve.
It's always a delicate balance to maintain
when I break the silence
because I'm usually in a vulnerable place.
Linda made me feel safe and I didn't have to talk much.
She was bubbly and gave me all kinds of information about the place.
I was truly grateful for her generous sharing of time and energy on a hot summer day.
It's still one of my favorite places to walk.
The walk changed the rhythm of my entire being
There was a sense of being released from grave clothes like Lazarus
The puzzle was completed on Friday afternoon
and by Saturday morning
I was ready to return to the new parsonage.
Although I cannot say that I was a hundred percent ready
I had enough room in my heart, mind and soul
to welcome the new relationships
and gifts and challenges of the new ministry.
It was certainly a week of transformation
from grief to new life.
