gift from the ocean

as always I didn't check the weather before I walked out to go to the beach.

It was overcast and a bit foggy morning

so I thought I'd walk for an hour before the rain.

And I wanted to put together my thoughts on the sermon while walking.

Once I walked into the beach

I almost heard the ocean calling my name.

Come closer!

Let's play!

At first I refused.

No, that's not why I'm here.

I need to organize my thoughts.

It insisted.

Just be with me. Be.

So I let go of my plan and started walking.

Waves came closer to my feet like a teasing friend

and I ran to walk away laughing.

Then I saw something I never have noticed before.

The reflection of the sun on the beach was walking along with me.

There must be a simple scientific explanation 

but at the moment I was in awe of seeing the sun walking beside me.

Like a good friend.

And I realized that it's only on a certain surface I can see the reflection.

The reflection disappears on dry sand and becomes blurry when the wave covers the sand.

It's only visible on wet sand with no moving water.

I thought of it as a thin space where the distance between heaven and earth is thinner,

where I can gaze at God's presence

where I no longer feel separated from my Creator.

I tried to stay on that path

knowing it will soon disappear.

I only hoped that my lack of faith will not make me act as if I never witnessed it.

As I was leaving the beach

I felt hugged by God.

I realized the ocean invited to be with it
to give me a special gift.

strange math

It was on an accident that I found the nest with the baby birds.

While I was looking outside through my prayer room window

I noticed a bird constantly flying into the tree. 

As I looked closely where the bird was going

I found the nest with four little birds.

They were so precious 
and filled my heart with pure joy in the amazement of life.

  My heart was beating with the baby birds' every movement.

For a few days, I was a birdwatcher 
moving from one angle to another to look at them closely. 

Probably on the fourth day of watching them

as I was coming back from work

I walked up to the tree to take a picture.

It was almost like I'm approaching something SACRED

and I felt like I need to take off my shoes.

I took a quick picture and walked away

trying not to disturb them or their mother probably watching from somewhere.

Then the next day when I looked at the nest they were gone.

My heart dropped.

I hoped it wasn't because I disturbed them or scared them away. 

I like to believe that it was just a coincidence 
that I took a picture on their last day in the nest 
and they were ready to leave.

As I tried to make sense of it all
I heard some birds singing.

As soon as I heard the birds

like magic I was relieved thinking 

'They are meant to leave the nest. They are meant to fly in the air.'

Then I could feel my heart feeling joy again.

I said a prayer of blessings for the birds

and of thanksgiving for the gift of joy and wonder I received for a few days. 

Today the house became an empty nest again

Joel and Teddy left early to Philly as Joel has things to do at school.

Later Shawn left for his apartment as his work begins in-person office hours.

I was a bit weary as I looked at Joel's room.

As expected it was a moment of grief, 

something I'm used to now. 

I just needed to remember to be gentle with myself. 

Later I got a text message from Joel. 

They stopped to buy a bass guitar he wanted and were having lunch.

His text was full of excitement. 

Suddenly I discovered my mood changing from weariness to joy 

just like the time I heard the birds singing.

Even though I felt a loss when they left

I found myself not counting my loss 

because when they are happy I am happy as well. 

Somehow my loss disappears when they gain 

and their gain becomes my gain. 

This is such strange math. 

House is quiet as it once used to be

and I am content.

one year

What more can I say? 

I am blessed