labyrinth 1

one winter afternoon at Wisdom House

while walking on a labyrinth

I had a Zen dialogue with God, sort of

My soul was in the deepest darkness

my heart was icier than January wind in New England

Going to Wisdom House was probably all I could do

to feel connected, even if remotely, with what once used to be life-giving

then disappeared beyond too far away I couldn't calculate 

I barely had the energy 

just enough to breathe

so I walked s l o w l y

on the ancient path of mystery covered with winter debris

My eyes were fixed to the ground

Somewhere maybe halfway to the center

I heard the first question

"what do you see?"

I was still cold and dry but answered to be polite

"dirt, rocks, branches..."

The voice gently asked again

"what else do you see?"

I wasn't annoyed but didn't think of it any seriously either

In my eyes came a thin layer of ice 

underneath a brown leaf

"a leaf under ice"

Then the voice said

"that's you"

I stopped

it sparked an immediate awakening

the voice didn't need to explain 

I knew in my heart

'frozen for this season of life 

but will be thawed when spring comes'

Clarity came to my mind

I am stuck in-between time

I'm miles away from the path I walked 

and miles away from the path I will be on 

a deep ditch in-between

what used to work no longer is working

the new way is still in the process of unfolding

deep in the woods with just immediate path on sight 

As I continued to walk to the center

though my soul was still in darkness 

and my heart still icy,

my heartbeat was a bit increased

my senses were a bit opened up

I began to embrace

this condition considered as unbearably numb

as a season of my life 

with the hope of spring 

As I reached to the center

I deeply bowed to God

for the wisdom revealed to me

I cried a bit

I knew God is telling me

it's okay to be frozen

you won't be there forever

As I was walking back 

I recognized that my being became a little lighter 

Even with a tiny piece of hope 

I began to dream of spring when

I will be released from the prison of the ice

letting go of what's old and lifeless 

coming back to the cycle of new life

And I am pleased to report that

spring is here

beauty in brokenness

during my walk, I saw so many pieces of broken shells.

at first, they didn't catch my eyes

then when I saw them one after another,

and a scarred rock,

even a half of a sand dollar,

I knew there's an invitation.

I realized when I walk

I only give my attention to something whole and beautiful to keep--

shells with perfect shapes and pretty colors

and I realized that in life we do the same--

we look for something whole and beautiful to keep

and rarely find beauty in brokenness.

Then I remembered the times I felt broken

and how I was held by God,

and in God's presence,

how I, as imperfect as I was, found wholeness,

and how I still felt loved by God.

and I learned that God is inviting me 

to hold the brokenness in the world 

the same way God does.

so when I saw another broken shell,

I held it dearly knowing it's

broken, yet beautiful as it is.

special gift for Mother's Day

while the cake was delicious, 

heartfelt messages brought me tears, 

the most special gift came with a question, 

"can I pray for you?"

a son's prayer for his mom on Mother's Day

deeply touched her heart