maybe it's because of the letter Joel sent me from the Old Korean Legation Museum
or maybe it's because I watched something with two old friends hanging out in their place of memory which looks similar to mine
maybe it's because forsythia just began to bloom
maybe it's because of the rain for a few days which added double shots of melancholy
I've been feeling a sense of loss and grief
something I would name as a mild version of homesickness
it comes to me like a seasonal allergy
I am keenly aware that it's a consequence of the choice I made
and I would rather be in pain than numb
lamenting the fact of not having a place to call home
and let the grief run its course
meditating on Jesus
as an immigrant
